Learning to be Clear

Today I finished reading "Making Friends" by Andrew Matthews. Though I can't distinctly recall anything specific at this time, I want to write down the one underlying moral that the book seems to pronounce among all the lessons and tidbits it shares:

one should clearly state what one wants, to one's friend, lover, workmate, etc Clearly and Distinctly... It makes the world a better place.

Two points:

1. Before I can state what I want, I need to know What I want. -- Sometimes this can be misconstrued as mabangon.

2. Saying what I want has always been a taboo manner. -- It has often be criticized or pointed out to be "selfish" or immodest.

But based on the book and my experience today, I think it is well worth included in the practice of my life.

I had a hard time meeting up with Mariel again after the night we spent together. I felt uneasy when she would text me everyday during the Bicol trip. It seemed force and formal.
Today on her return trip from her province, I made a point to meet her in a nice setting so we can talk.
Although at first I had a bit of concern getting my bearing, eventually I was able to get my flow. I told her that: I really enjoy spending time with her. I like it when we talk about the things we did. So I have a hard time when I get text messaged everyday because it takes out the missing part. Pleasantly surprising she agreed. I know she even understood me because she herself referred to the fact that she did not normally text so often to anyone. She did not realize how she became different with me, she just felt she wanted to know whether I was okay or not. When I told her I always make sure I am okay, it seemed she gave a sigh of relief.

Then I told her that I felt embarrassed because I had to ask my friends how to do what I was doing (that covered the seeming uneasiness if any). I told her the I am at exploring stage in my life and wanted to be clear. I know she has expectations on the situation, but I could not live up to to commitment at this time. She told me that she understood that I am a guy who cannot commit....and it was OKAY for her!

There was a moment of uneasiness for me because it was at this point when she said, I am the guy and she is Just the girl. I told her it should be an equal thing, and prohibited her from saying it again. At the end, when I asked her what we were... we decided to be clos(er) friends, with benefits. I think she liked that... I hope :)

We had a nice night afterwards at Camelot. Even though I was so tired because I had not slept last night, the 3 hours (2hours actually) of sleeping with her seemed to have washed all the tiredness away...

Oh by the way, she thanked me afterwards. She said she never felt more comfortable with me!